Category: Motherhood Musings Page 1 of 2

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The Sweetest Time Capsule

On April 15, 2024

Lately, I find myself in my “Swedish Death Cleaning” era. If you are unsure as to what this means, you can google it, but essentially I am cleaning out all the nooks and crannies of my home so that someday (hopefully many years from now) when I am no longer present, my dear daughters will have less to deal with. I have lived in my home for 18 years and when we moved into it, I had a two-year-old and a six-year-old, so time for organizing was quite limited. I’ve slowly begun the process of analyzing what I own and whether or not I still value it in my life enough to take up real estate in my home and/or mind.

The current project is clearing out the paper filing cabinet and taking the “sensitive” materials to be shredded. I own a shredder, but this is going to be next-level shredding as I clear out 30 years of old documents. By the way, did you know that UPS will take care of your shredding? Well, they will for $2/pound….that’s SO worth it to me!

Yesterday, I was cleaning out old income tax files from 1999/2000 and came across the paper calendar that I used in the year 2000. I am not sure why I had stored it in the income tax folder, but I found it and it took me on a trip down memory lane. My oldest was 1 year old (she recently got married and celebrated her 25th birthday). I chose to stay at home full-time when she was born, so I did not have many schedules to manage in 2000. I remember feeling a bit lost after having worked full-time for years, and the calendar helped me feel like I still had reasons to care about how I filled my time. I wrote my husband’s work schedule, important birthdays, pediatric appointments, and paydays, which were highly anticipated events of the month! I even made notes about extra expenses we would have to budget for at the beginning of the month. Some of the sweetest memories I came across were my daughter’s first steps on February 16, 2000, the first snowfall of 2000 in Memphis, TN on January 28, 2000, and the very first women’s ministry bible study I ever participated in at Bellevue Baptist Church in September of 2000. That date is special to me because it served as the beginning of my journey into reading and studying the Bible, which started transforming me and continues to do so to this very moment.

Finding this calendar made me nostalgic and a bit emotional. I had forgotten how much I relied on moms’ groups/play dates to keep me sane as I learned how to be a mother to a precious, strong-willed little girl. It’s a good reminder that the things we worry about in the current moment will likely be forgotten in a few years. It also reminds me that God has been so faithful over all of these years, and what a gift it is to have had all of this time to watch my daughters grow into amazing adults with their own calendars to maintain.

I know paper calendars are being replaced by digital, and in many ways, I am in full support of this. I love digital copies of just about everything! However, I will say that there is something so sweet about coming across this little time capsule with the ink smudges and crossed-out words, and even crayon marks created by my toddler’s little hands. I will surely have great success weeding out many things in my home, but this little calendar may not make the cut of the Swedish Death Cleaning guidelines for elimination; For now, it brings me joy.

Dear Moms of High School Seniors, It’s Going to be OK…

By Kathy Wetsell

On April 21, 2022

In Motherhood Musings

I see your posts on social media, and I sense your excitement, mixed with anxiety and a bit of sadness (if we are being completely honest). I notice your photos of all the “lasts” and I celebrate your child’s accomplishments with you. I see you and I know you because I have been you, twice now. I feel the almost palpable sinking feeling that hits in the pit of your stomach when you think about them moving on to the next stage. How is it possible that they have grown from such a tiny, helpless little child into this physically mature person, who the world says is technically (and suddenly) an adult? We have been there for the kindergarten drop-offs, the school musicals, the football games, the choir concerts, the debate team championships, and every bit of school-associated friend drama. We have checked their grades from our home computers, signed permission slips, turned in fines for lost library books, checked them out for orthodontist appointments, muddled through class schedule planning, and in the last few years, we have been their teachers when they could not have in-person instruction. We packed lunches, drove carpools, waited by the bus stop, provided team snacks, and did anything that was possible to support our local teachers and PTA’s. In many ways, our child and their role in school has been the biggest influencer of our lives for the past 13 years, and whether we work outside the home or not, our lives and activities revolve around the school calendar and the many duties that align with it. My youngest graduated in 2021 and I consider myself to be one of the more involved parents in our school district. I was fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom, and as such, had the flexibility to give of my time in this way. I would not change a thing about this, but I wondered what life would be like for me after my nest was empty and there were no more PTA meetings to help lead, or back-to-school events to attend. At one point in my life, I was fearful of not having a purpose in this new phase of life, and it was anxiety provoking for me. For this reason, I want to write to you moms who may be feeling the same fears.

I want to reassure you that things are going to be OK; heck they might even be fabulous! Some Of you won’t believe me, but most of the things that I thought I would miss so much about my daughter’s school years, I don’t miss at all. Don’t get me wrong…I enjoyed it in the seasons we were living within, but I must admit that it is nice to have evenings free to spend with my husband doing anything we feel like. The time that I used to spend giving to the school is now time that I can use to take up new hobbies or volunteer in other local community agencies. I don’t check my daughters’ grades or even know a single one of her professors. She knows her professors though, and when one is particularly inspiring to her, she will share it with me. While it is sometimes odd to not know what she is doing on a daily basis, I have become comfortable with the fact that she has her own life and friendships that I will never be involved in. Any sadness I feel about that is easily lifted when I realize that we raised her to be an independent adult who has her own life. It’s freeing, to be completely honest. Of course, we are there to offer advice about career planning and goals but she has an advisor who knows all of the ins and outs of her course requirements and we are not responsible for these choices anymore. That is really nice!

I remember feeling like my daughters’ senior years were a series of milestones to check off: Senior photos, college applications, scholarship essays, references, awards ceremonies (so glad to escape the pressure from those annual award ceremonies), prom, post-graduation parties. It’s a whole lot to plan and with social media, the need to get it all “picture perfect” can be overwhelming. I think it is truly difficult for our children to truly enjoy this time because there are so many milestones/deadlines in one year and there is so much cultural pressure to know where you are going and what you will be doing after high school. The summer after graduation was a bit stressful for my daughters as they planned their dorm decorating and felt fearful about the next steps. Moving away from home is not easy, but it has been so good for my daughters. I think we are all breathing a sigh of relief that my youngest is about to complete her freshman year in college. She loved it but it was scary at first. Now she is so comfortable there and when she goes back she has friends and knows that it is her second home.

So for these reasons, and many others, I want to tell you to tell you to enjoy the rest of their senior year. Get the photos with all of the friend groups, plan and attend parties, help your child plan their next steps as much as they want you to, and know that this truly isn’t the end. While it is the ending of some things, in many ways it is the beginning of a new and wonderful phase in which you, as a mom, can take a bit of a breath as you watch your adult child from the sidelines (and you don’t have to bring the orange slices). Don’t be afraid to close this chapter; The next act is theirs to orchestrate, and from my experience, you have a second act of your own to plan.

The Walking Wounded: Some Scars are Unseen

By Kathy Wetsell

On February 3, 2022

In Motherhood Musings, My Two Cents

I sat with a bunch of my good friends recently and we talked around a kitchen table in the welcoming home of a friend. We are women who meet weekly as a group to work through bible studies together, and this morning was our first day to meet in the new year. We took turns updating the group about how we are doing, and what we are working on as people.

We check in with each other frequently, so this was not new, but somehow today seemed different. The burdens we were carrying were heavy, and in my opinion they seemed heavier than usual.

We have empty-nesters who are trying to find their new life purposes and are concerned about their adult children making their way in the current world. There is a recent widow who is taking on new challenges on her own. We have moms who are concerned about their children’s anxiety in a world where anxiety is rampant. There are women who are sandwiched between the intense needs of teen children and aging parents. We have those experiencing struggles as roles in life change, and they seek to align their family’s different personality types and goals for the future. We have those who are struggling with unmet expectations in a season which seemed destined for success, and some who are doing the work to heal from past traumas. All of this “heavy stuff” among 10 women.

It struck me that if we were all verbalizing so many struggles within our small group, what must it be like for the rest of our community, nation and the world in general? We have all experienced trauma of various types in these several years since we were faced with a global pandemic, wars, and so many other trials. It may not be the type of trauma that leaves a visible scar, but in reality, most traumas never do.

I have no solution to the chaos that we find ourselves in currently. Well, that is not exactly true. I should say I have no quick solution. There is no quick fix for what ails us; I believe this was God’s design. He clearly did not want us living in a fallen world, but once Adam and Eve gave up Eden by disobeying God’s rules, the fallen world was inevitable. There is no quick fix, but there is an omni-present God who loves us and all we have to do is open our hearts and minds to Him and the relationship He wants to have with us. He doesn’t take away our struggles, but He walks beside us to help carry the burdensome weight.

I am reminded that there are people among us who appear as if they have it all under control, but many of them are struggling. They are our friends, neighbors, co-workers and the people we see out running errands. They are the people we love, and those who we find difficult to love.

According to the dictionary, the term “walking wounded” refers to people suffering from physical or psychological injuries or ailments who nevertheless carry out their daily lives as normal. As humans surviving these past few years of Covid-19 and its aftermath, I believe we all carry some physical or psychological injuries and are in some ways “walking wounded”.

We are all walking around with unseen hurts. We do our best to shove them beneath the surface and hide them under the many masks we wear, but that can only last for so long. The trauma will bubble to the surface and we will be forced to face the “injuries” we carry. When we do, we may choose to share them with trusted friends or family, but hopefully, we will remember to cry out to God. As Psalm 34:17-18 reads:

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Being able to sit and listen to my friends served as a blessed reminder to me to have more patience with others. It is easy to do so with my friends, but not so easy with the strangers who don’t think the same way I do, or who cut me off in traffic, or whatever the “sin of the day” might be. I am going to have to be intentional, but I am going to try to remember that everyone is suffering from some type of trauma from these past few years. Many of us are brokenhearted and crushed in spirit. If we all try a little harder with each other, we just might begin to heal some of those wounds and our world will see a change for the better. With God, all things are possible.

The Art of Slowing Down

By Kathy Wetsell

On January 18, 2022

In Motherhood Musings

Slow…the word itself seems to carry negative connotations with it. Perhaps as Americans, we are caught up in all modes of increasing productivity or perhaps we are just becoming too conditioned to immediate gratification, but the fact of the matter is, being slow is not a trait to be lauded in most people’s minds.

Recently I purchased a 1000 piece puzzle for my family to work on over Christmas break. I don’t find many members of my family who gain as much satisfaction from puzzle completion as I do, but nonetheless, we all worked on it a bit as we had more time for relaxation than we do in other seasons of the year. I cleared off my coffee table and we laid out each piece and over the course of weeks, we slowly scanned the pieces for the perfect fits to combine into a completed work of art. It is still sitting there as I write this, and I am not in a hurry to complete it or to have my table cleared. In fact, once this one is finished, I plan to purchase another puzzle because this one has been such a lesson in slow, delayed gratification.

Without fail, each person who has helped with the puzzle completion has mentioned how challenging the puzzle is and has questioned their level of patience for such a hobby. I think these deterrents are the very reasons why I enjoy the puzzle so much. The slow and steady search for details that will make the piece match, the joy of focusing solely on something that is not on a digital screen, the lovely music I play in the background, and the feeling of accomplishment when a segment comes together; it has been good for my productivity-seeking soul.

This project of slow completion has reminded me that sometimes the answers we seek are not clear until we step away from the circumstances. We tend to get so focused on finding a resolution to a problem as quickly as possible in order to check it off our lists. With puzzles, sometimes you have to step away before you’ve met your goal, and upon returning, you find the piece you needed was right in front of your eyes, but your narrowness of focus was keeping it from surfacing. Puzzles require patience in order to see them through, and often the sequence of completion is not what you would have chosen, but it works nevertheless; life is much the same way.

When this puzzle is completed, I will enjoy the moment in which I place the final piece and I will take a photo to share with all who helped make it possible. Then I will dismantle it and excitedly prepare for the next challenge. Slow…may it become synonymous with methodical, thorough, and savoring.

Strong as a Mother

By Kathy Wetsell

On March 9, 2021

In Motherhood Musings

According to Wikipedia, International Women’s Day is a global holiday celebrated annually on March 8 to commemorate the cultural, political, and socioeconomic achievements of women. I always enjoy celebrating the accomplishments of women from all walks of life and every nation and culture, and if I am being completely honest, I believe the accomplishments of women should be celebrated more than once a year.

I want to take a moment now to highlight a specific cultural achievement of women in 2020-21: the raising, fostering, and education of children by mothers during a pandemic.

I have had the honor and blessing to serve as a mentor to a “younger moms” bible study group for the past 2 years. Prior to the pandemic, we met in person to socialize and study scripture together. Of course, that all changed once Covid reared its ugly head. Like the rest of the modern world, we began meeting via Zoom, and that is where we reside today. It has been an interesting journey to follow along with these moms of young children as we navigated this unprecedented (for our generation) time.

Never before has so much responsibility been placed squarely on the shoulders of moms, as during this pandemic. They continued their prior roles as chief caretaker, nutritionist, housekeeper, and nurse (to name a few), but added on the role of full-time teacher to students who were being asked to transition to schoolwork fully presented online. Parents who never before considered themselves as appropriate candidates for homeschool, found themselves involuntarily placed into entirely new roles.

I have watched as they have experienced the exhaustion and frustration that any such sacrifice brings. I believe many of them do not give themselves the credit they deserve for handling the upheaval so well, but I have to say, they have exceeded all of my expectations. I personally do not know if I would have been able to handle all of the duties as well as they have. I enjoyed the quarantine with my adult daughters and saw it as “bonus” time that I never expected to receive. But let’s be real…24/7 with young children takes a certain level of patience and energy that can only be described as supernatural. Mamas of littles….when I think about celebrating strong women in our culture, I think about you. You may not receive a salary, or an accolade for your efforts, but your reward will come one day. You will receive the honor of watching your little children grow into independent adults, and you will know that, with God’s help, you had a major role in that. You’re growing the next generation of strong women, and strong men, who in my opinion, have an equally important role in life as partners and supporters of strong women.

So as we celebrate the accomplishments of women, let us not forget to honor the unsung heroes who raise the next generation.

Covid College Blues

By Kathy Wetsell

On September 19, 2020

In Motherhood Musings, My Two Cents

It’s September of 2020, and we are in the “who knows what” phase of a pandemic. My daughter is in her last year of college, and It’s so much harder than we ever thought it would be. Her campus is supposedly a hybrid of virtual and in-person instruction, but all of her 13 semester hours are virtual. Prior to the semester beginning, at least a few classes were going to be offered in-person, and we watched as slowly but surely, emails arrived from all of her professors notifying her of the change.

Before the semester began, my thoughts went immediately to the freshmen students who would be facing so many restrictions with regards to socializing. How would they ever get to know people with all of the campus being so guarded, and mask mandates? I never once thought about how challenging it would be emotionally on the upperclassmen. My daughter attends a large state University in which the majority of the students live off campus. She lives in a townhouse with a roommate within a few minutes of campus. She is a member of a sorority, but she is unable to go to the sorority house for meals, which she has enjoyed the last 2 years. Only members who live in the house are allowed to dine there. If she were to choose to drop by the house to study, or visit, she would have to comply with the campus mask policy, and wear a mask the entire time. I am not suggesting that masks should not be worn, but many of us can agree that socializing for any length of time is just not easy with masks. She says she just doesn’t want to expend the energy of driving to campus and parking and walking to the sorority house, just to sit around in a mask with other people.

She often spends her days in her bedroom on her computer listening to lectures and completing her assignments. I have encouraged her to get out of her apartment to take a walk, or exercise at the gym, which she has done, and that has helped. Her small group of friends who also live off campus, are making efforts to study together outdoors, and have meals together. Unfortunately, a few weeks ago, her campus had a spike in Covid cases, and some of her friends had to quarantine due to possible exposure, and she was forced back into a version of solitary confinement again as she waited for her friends (who tested negative) to end their quarantine.

My daughter was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 7. Depression goes hand in hand with anxiety, and as her mother, I am aware of the risk that she can fall into a depression quickly. I have the luxury of living near her, and we exercise at the same gym, and she comes home for meals some. This has allowed me to check on her and see her face, and I can tell when the depression is hitting her, just by looking at her. When she is tired all the time, and doesn’t take time on her appearance, I know that she is struggling. I see those signs now, and it concerns me. She regularly sees a therapist and has a psychiatrist to help manage her health, but living with anxiety and depression is a daily struggle for her, and as her mother it is also my struggle. I worry for the young adults who may be far from home in this pandemic, and who may not have the friends or family to look after them, or the resources for therapy and medical care. These are new struggles that none of us have ever dealt with before, and it is an emotional burden to deal with.

To all of the public health officials and University administrators, I sympathize with your very challenging roles as decision makers in a time when all of the choices seem to be “rock” or “Hard Place”. You have a responsibility to encourage healthy behaviors and protect the public from life threatening illness. However, you must balance that with the other risks that come from social isolation. Humans are meant to be in community with each other, and when that cannot happen, this creates other life threatening risks, such as major depression.

I write this because I know I am not the only mom who is struggling with these concerns in 2020. I do not claim to know the answers and I am not suggesting we be reckless with behaviors. I am suggesting that there is a bigger picture to Covid than physical ailments, and it is time for them to be included in the public health discussion.

School Dances in the 80’s versus the 2000’s – A Gen X homage to “Stairway to Heaven”

By Kathy Wetsell

On February 4, 2020

In Motherhood Musings

There are many differences between the world of junior high/high school dating of the 80’s versus the 21st century. Some good, and some not so good, in this Gen X mom’s opinion. Let’s look at school dances: When I was in junior high school, my friends and I could hardly wait for the few school dances planned each year, even though I was awkward and had no idea how to relate to boys. I was a late bloomer and sheltered, compared to many of my cohorts, but I always hoped that would be the evening when my dreamy crush would finally notice me from across the gymnasium and realize I was the girl of his junior high dreams and he would ask me to dance (Cue the soundtrack to “Sixteen Candles”). This fantasy always ended with the boy becoming enchanted by my late-blooming, slightly dorky self, and then he would ask me to “go with him”, which was 1983 vernacular for dating. Every school dance ended the same way back in those days….with the classic Led Zeppelin musical masterpiece entitled “Stairway to Heaven”.

It was the perfect “last dance” song. At 8:01 minutes in length, it allowed you to be close to your dance partner for an extended time before saying goodnight, and it was the perfect blend of slow enough to “slow dance”, but Rock enough to be cool. While most school dances consisted of me hanging with my girls and whispering about the boys, I remember one in which a boy who I really liked finally asked me to dance during “Stairway to Heaven”. Fantasy and Reality had finally collided, and I did not know what to do! My stomach felt butterflies. I could barely breathe as we stood in the dance floor in typical 80’s slow dance posture. Soon after, he asked me to “go with him”, which I enthusiastically accepted, but quickly responded with “please don’t call me at home”! I was mortified about my loving, but strict parents finding out I had a boyfriend. This relationship with my “first boyfriend” only lasted a few weeks. I was just not mature enough to handle the pressure of someone else needing something from me. I have never forgotten that young man, however. The thrill of those firsts never goes away.

Flash forward to school dances in the 2000’s: Although I have personally never attended a school dance in the 21st century, I have two daughters who have, and from what they tell me, dances are a whole new world. In the 80’s we would have at least a few slow dances to choose from (“Open Arms by Journey, and the aforementioned “Stairway to Heaven”), interspersed with some Van Halen, Clash, Duran Duran and an old classic like “Louie,Louie”. I am told it is very rare to have a slow dance in today’s world of school dances. My girls tell me that most of the music played at your average public high school dances is Rap/Hip Hop, and the style of dancing would be your basic “grinding” or, as a reference for my other 80’s ladies, “Dirty Dancing” (someone please tell me I’m not the only one who watched that at the movie theatre more than once in 1987). Apparently it is quite common and widely accepted for girls to arrive without dates, and for boys to come up behind them and begin “grinding”. If a girl allows it, then it’s all good, but if she isn’t interested, she can say as much and walk away. From what I hear, the days of a boy coming up to a girl and asking her to dance are over. Instead, they seem to sidle up behind the girl of their choice and let the grinding make the introductions.

I know I am an old-fashioned romantic, but the thought of this interaction makes me a little sad. Yes, it’s just a school dance, but the human behavior geek in me believes it is a sign of the times we live in. Culturally we have moved away from interpersonal communications of all types. Let’s take land lines for an example. I remember the days of calling a friend and speaking with their mom or dad when they answered the phone. I would actually have to have a polite conversation with them before I asked to speak to their daughter or son. Fast forward to 2020 and my daughters express anxiety every time they have to pick up the phone and actually speak to someone. I make them do it, but they hate me for it. If we choose, we rarely have to even talk to anyone anymore. Sometimes even I consider this a positive change;I love to solve customer service issues via online chat rather than wait on eternal hold. However, communicating with cell phones and texting has morphed into apps like Snapchat that only require you to snap a photo of half your face and type a sentence or two. This is currently how young people begin the dance of dating. The irony is that when the younger generations do begin dating, they say they are “talking to someone”. But from what I can see, there isn’t much actual talking going on. We don’t even have talk to people at the grocery check out line anymore, as we can now scan our own groceries, that we have selected while we shop with our ear phones in place, further isolating ourselves from the world around us. I can’t help but wonder how this is affecting our interpersonal skills. What will this look like? How will couples of the future relate to each other? Will they even know how?

So it brings me back to the “slow dance”. What was once a face-to-face interaction, which was both frightening and thrilling at the same time, has been replaced with a type of dancing which simulates intimacy but requires none. I can’t help but wonder if many of our interactions of this day and age are doing the same…simulating intimacy but requiring none.

As for me, I am doing my part to teach my high schooler. My husband and I drove her and a girlfriend to a dance last Spring, and played “Stairway to Heaven” for them during the car ride over. I reminisced about middle school dances, and they became bored about half way through the 8 minute song, but at least I tried. On a brighter note, I hear that swing dancing is making a come-back on college campuses…maybe there is hope after all.

Seeking God’s Glory During the Holiday Craziness

By Kathy Wetsell

On December 19, 2019

In Motherhood Musings

Luke 2:9 …and the glory of the Lord shone all around them .

I saw this verse on a Christmas card that I was sending to a loved one. Like so many activities done in haste during the holiday season, I barely even noticed the scripture until I was inserting the note into its envelope. I read the scripture realizing how familiar it sounded, yet this version was set apart to me. It sounded familiar, yet distinct, because it is usually a verse spoken in a larger context, when the Christmas story is being read. The words prior to this verse describe the angel of the Lord appearing to the shepherds to tell of Jesus’s birth.

While I think most of us can imagine that the glory of the Lord must have been shining as bright as ever possible on the night of Jesus’s birth, I know I personally struggle to view the glory of the Lord shining all around me on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong…I know God’s glory is all around us all the time, but I have a vision problem that hinders my ability to see it. Not the kind of vision problem that requires an optical prescription (although magnification readers are one of my favorite things these days), but the vision problem that comes from viewing the world with jaded, skeptical, earthly eyes.

I, like so many other women at this time of year, am wrapped up in how hectic my life seems to be. There was barely any time between Thanksgiving and December this year, and it seemed like I was behind before it ever started. There’s all the shopping, decorating, travel-planning, gift-wrapping, school activities, and social obligations that a season like this brings. There are the expectations of family members that must be considered, because as a mother, I don’t want to feel that I have dropped a single ball that would cause someone in my home to feel like Christmas was missing something that they deem essential.

As I type these words, it hits me so hard….the only thing we should deem essential in this Christmas season is remembering and celebrating the arrival of our sweet baby savior, Jesus Christ. For years, I have tried to make this the center of our season, believe me, but I have fallen short. We live in a consumer culture and we see the constant reminders in the media of what a perfect Christmas must surely look like; the trendiest decorations that probably don’t match anything I currently own, the latest recipe that is somehow plant-based, yet delicious and beautifully photographed for Instagram. Don’t even get me started on the Pinterest boards!

It’s enough to make us all very stressed out and not very full of Christmas cheer.

So I go back to the verse “and the glory of the Lord shone all around them”. Where does His glory shine? According to scripture, it shines all around us. I stop to think about what this means in a practical way to me.

His Glory shines when I see my precious family spend time together watching movies and playing games and just laughing together.

His Glory shines when I see the work of charitable organizations taking care of the “least of these”.

His Glory shines when my friends get together to work at the Angel Tree warehouse giving their time to help needy children have Christmas gifts, and pray over their gifts that those children might know the love of Christ.

His Glory shines when you are fortunate enough to spend time sharing a meal with friends during a busy time and you pause to exchange gifts and recognize the importance of those friends in your lives.

His Glory shines when you see the wreaths placed at the veterans’ headstones, allowing those who served, and those left behind, to know that we do not take our freedom, or those who protect it, for granted.

His Glory shines even when the holiday season feels heavy, as you remember those who you have loved and lost. Hope in Jesus allows peace and comfort in the darkness of those very raw emotions. He has promised that we are never alone, and in that we can see His glory. We see his Glory when, in the midst of suffering, our community surrounds us with meal trains and “go fund me” pages, and in some small practical ways, becomes the hands and feet of Christ.

The Glory of the Lord shines around me.

I needed this verse today. It reminded me to pray for God to heal my “vision problem”. I see His glory all around me, if I choose to look with the lense of gratitude. Where do you see His glory shine? I would love to know!

Moms: The Ultimate Women of Influence

By Kathy Wetsell

On March 8, 2019

In Motherhood Musings, My Two Cents

International Women’s Day is celebrated on March 8. According to its website, the goal of the day is to focus on the achievement of women, raise awareness against bias, and to take action for equality. As International Women’s Day approaches, I find myself thinking about all the women who have been present during my life’s journey, and whose achievements enhanced my formation. There is no way to begin to list the name of every woman who invested in my life and helped form me into the woman I am today. First and foremost would be my mom, whose birthday happens to fall on International Women’s Day. My mom is one of the most nurturing, kind women that you could ever hope to meet. She is a wonderful homemaker and entertainer, and she has the ability to make everyone who enters her home feel welcomed and well-fed. She worked part-time while we were in school, but prioritized being home when my brother and I came home from school. She was waiting for us when we arrived home with a hug and a smile, and many times she had freshly baked treats waiting for us. No matter what kind of day we had experienced outside the haven of our home, we were assured that we were loved and valued within its four walls. She is the biggest reason that I chose to be a full-time stay-at-home mom when my own children were born. She has been my living guidebook for how to be a good mom. Her talents in the kitchen and her skills at food presentation are unmatched. In fact, many people tell her they would pay her to make their favorite appetizers for them to serve at parties, but she always tells them that if it became a job, she would not enjoy it anymore. She cooks for simple enjoyment and to share her gifts with others who can use a prepared meal, and never expects anything in return. She gives her time to her church and charities, and visits nursing home residents on a weekly basis. Her achievements in life have not been the kind that the world tends to celebrate, but they were the kind that raised two children into adults who seek to actively care for and nurture the people around them.

Three generations of strong women

Can we spend a moment discussing teachers? As a young child, the women you spend most of your day with are typically your teachers. There were so many female teachers in my elementary and middle school years, and I can still remember most of them. A few do stand out more than others for their kind words and patience displayed with all of us. I was drawn to the sweet ones who had a gentle nature, but it was later in life that I came to appreciate the ones who had a little less patience for mediocrity. They were the ones who had a keen intellect and recognized it in others and would not accept less from us than they knew we were capable of offering. They were the first to push me, and in turn it gave me a sense of confidence in my abilities. This confidence was a building block which I used to venture into the world. Again, these achievements are not always noticed or appreciated by our society which tends to value titles, material wealth and power.

Some lessons I learned from women were not scholastic in nature, but were no less significant. I had a mentor who helped me learn about a toxic friendship that, at the age of 16, I did not understand was toxic at the time…that was a very important lesson that I would benefit from for the rest of my life. I had a female boss who truly disliked me and made my workplace so uncomfortable that I chose to quit. I realized life is too short and not everyone is going to like you…also a good lesson. I worked for a woman who routinely threw paperclips and rubber balls at the glass partition, which sat between my desk and her office, in order to get my attention. I had to keep that job for financial reasons, but learned about treating others with respect, and learned how it feels when respect is absent. On a humorous note, I actually poured a glass of champagne in the car when my husband and I moved from the city where I held that position. On the flip side, I had a different female boss who taught me about the financial services industry, gave me grace when I made mistakes, and pushed me to become a licensed stock broker, which I accomplished. She celebrated my successes, and rewarded them financially and to this day, 25 years later, we are still friends.

I have also been shaped by my Godmothers, grandmothers, cousins, aunts, mother-in-law and sisters-in-law, nieces, daughters, as well as lots of friends. The numbers of women who influence us in life are innumerable. The value of an outward-focused, honest woman who genuinely cares for your well-being is immeasurable.

International Women’s Day can mean different things to different people. Obviously, there is much progress to be made internationally in the realm of women’s rights and dignity, and equal pay for equal work. I do not wish to discount the importance of those issues. I simply wish to highlight the potential importance and achievements of all women in our world, regardless of education level, social status, or professional experience. We should acknowledge and be thankful for those women who devote their lives to mothering, teaching, nurturing and bolstering the next generation. We must appreciate the women who give their time to work in the church nursery, teach Sunday School, serve meals at the soup kitchen, volunteer behind the scenes at schools, and help mentor children in after school programs. I have two daughters, and I want them to strive to be the very best they can be. I want them to reach for the stars and hope for them to have careers they are passionate about and excel in. I am more concerned, however, about their community mindedness and want them to realize that they can make a difference in the world by making a difference in their little corner of it. In addition, if they choose to devote a portion of their lives to raising children and making a home, I want their choices to be respected, and acknowledged as valid and essential, just as we celebrate women who are CEO’s and politicians, and who hold other positions of power. Most likely, they would not be in the positions they hold without a strong woman behind them cheering them from the stands. On International Women’s Day, let us celebrate women of influence, and may we recognize that there are MANY types of influence worth celebrating!

Anxiety Does Not Mean We Cannot Do Hard Things: The Time my Anxious Daughter Studied Abroad

By Kathy Wetsell

On January 3, 2019

In Motherhood Musings

As I write this, my first-born is 5,633 miles away in Taormina, Sicily. This is the farthest she has ever been away from home. Granted, she will turn 20 three weeks from today. But, this is my kid who worries, she is my perfectionist, my empath. So the fact that she is over 5,000 miles from home should freak me out. In all honesty, the thought of it did freak me out for months leading up to this trip. I worried about how she would manage being in a foreign country so far away from all of her familiar places and people. I knew how important it was to her to be able to travel the world without allowing anxiety to hold her back.

So, this is where the “fabulous” part of my post begins. As soon as she got to her destination, I started hearing from her less and less. Not that I don’t want to hear from her, because I absolutely do; but all moms know that there are times in life when no news is good news. When I have heard from her, it’s to tell me about some cool experience she has had, or to send me photos from her outings. She is at a fabulous, ancient amphitheater today making a presentation for her Honors credit, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea.

This was my child who got overwhelmed at her pre-school holiday parties. They were just too loud and stimulating for her tender, sensitive nerves. But now at almost 20, Praise God (because it is He who deserves all the glory), she is out seeing the world, and becoming the woman God wants her to become. I want her to know, it’s a lifelong process, and at almost 50, I am still transforming and growing into the woman I am intended to be.

So, for all of you moms of children who seem more sensitive or anxious than most, please know that there will be days ahead when your little one will have the coping skills they need to do the unthinkable. All that is required of you is to acknowledge the way God created them, give them all the tools they require (this does not mean doing everything for them or making them comfortable at all times – that topic will have to be elucidated in another blog post), and pray for God to work in their lives and in yours, as their parent.

Today when I see these photos on my phone (yes, I am the “find your i-phone” mom), I will not allow myself to be “freaked out”, but instead will rejoice in the “fabulous” of today. I cannot wait to watch as God uses these experiences in my daughter’s life to glorify Him.