Most suburban Americans have become quite accustomed to the ease of daily life. When we get hungry, we go to our well-stocked pantries and refrigerators, or we order some take-out and have a food delivery service bring it directly to our door. When we get bored, we turn to our streaming service of choice for on demand access to entertainment of any variety. When we get lonely, we can text our friends or we go to social media for human interactions of all types. We are used to instant gratification of almost all of our needs.
This type of lifestyle makes it very difficult for us, as a culture, to emotionally adapt to something that we have very little control of, such as the Covid-19 virus which, according to all media reports, is crippling our entire world. As a free society, we are not pleased when we hear we must stay inside and stop doing all the things we are used to doing. It naturally causes anxiety, which we all react to in multiple ways. Some of us act like nothing is wrong and choose not to acknowledge the gravity of the situation (this would be me), while others seek to control the only things we are capable of controlling, like the quantity of toilet paper and Clorox wipes we have in our stockpile. Whichever camp you land in, try to remember that we are all handling the shock of this new landscape in the only ways we are prepared to do so.
My college-aged daughter called me yesterday with a lilt of anxious laughter in her voice as she told me that her college is cancelling all “in-person” instruction effective immediately. She told me of how her friends who are due to graduate in May, are reeling over the fact that they are currently sitting in their last college classes. While this may have been a fact worth celebrating in May, which is the natural progression of a school term, it can come as a big disappointment when it happens in mid-March without much warning. My daughter is feeling sadness because this situation will most likely cause social isolation, which is difficult for her personality to deal with. She enjoys the act of attending classes, and the social events she participates in weekly. All of this is coming to an abrupt halt, and it is understandable that it will be unsettling and it is OK to mourn the loss of normalcy.
Along the same lines, my high school-aged daughter is awaiting her classes to become “online only”, and fears this will inhibit her education for the last quarter of her Junior year, and fears that she won’t be able to attend prom. For a jaded adult like myself, it is easy to minimize the feelings she has over a trivial thing like prom, but in my heart I know it is valid for her to feel what she feels about it. She bought the dress, and she wants to take photographs with her friends and dance with her boyfriend, and make the memories she has anticipated for the last 2 years. Again, it is OK to mourn this loss.
On the other hand, perhaps it is important for all of us to learn that some of the things we worry about are trivial in the spectrum of basic life and health. Although it saddens me for my daughters to have to experience these disappointments, I also hope it will broaden their perspectives about what is happening around them. It’s not always about us, nor was it ever meant to be.
I am reminded about cohort effects, which I studied in undergraduate psychology classes many years ago. The influence that a person’s date and place of birth has on social research is known as the cohort effect, which refers to the similarities in experiences and social influences across a particular age group. In this case, I believe we are dealing with a global (rather than generational) cohort effect. Everyone who will be able to remember living through this time period with such unusual restrictions on our freedoms, and concerns about our health, will remember this time, and it will affect how we view the world and potentially change our habits for the rest of our lifetimes.
As we begin “social distancing”, we will not be attending all of the things we Americans have become accustomed to filling our time with. We won’t be at the ball games, and the concerts, and the dance recitals. Children may not have the athletic practices and music lessons that keep parents shuffling around like a taxi service on a daily basis. We may find that we have time to sit at the dinner table together, and have time to play outdoors in the back yard. Perhaps we will enjoy the company of our neighbors again (maintaining the proper personal space distances of course). Some of this is reminiscent of growing up in the 1970’s, when we did not have nearly as many activities to make our parents lose their sanity, and we had to find ways to entertain ourselves.
There are many people who are going to be negatively impacted by the Covid-19 virus, and I do not want to understate this. Besides the obvious health and mortality issues, we are dealing with economic impacts and emotional tolls which cannot easily be measured. It is tempting to self-quarantine and forget about those in our community with needs. I am having to remind myself that this event will cause many needs to arise with neighbors in my community, and while things may be “peachy” at my home with plenty of food, toilet paper, Clorox and Netflix, there are others who are accustomed to being fed by the public school system, and without school being in session, may not have enough to eat. Some people will be ill, and will need groceries and food to be delivered. I believe this is the time for ALL of us to look outside ourselves, and the 4 walls we may be confining ourselves to, and look for ways to help others. Check on your neighbors, look for community donation pleas, give to charities like The Salvation Army, who give to the less fortunate every day of the year.
I’ve heard some people say that we have become too soft as a society, and that we need something to “reset” us, and help us appreciate the freedom and luxuries many of us are blessed with. September 11 accomplished that for a short time. Sadly, this just may be the “reset” we require, and I hope we are all ready and willing to come together as a country and help each other move forward, “in sickness and in health”.