It’s September of 2020, and we are in the “who knows what” phase of a pandemic. My daughter is in her last year of college, and It’s so much harder than we ever thought it would be. Her campus is supposedly a hybrid of virtual and in-person instruction, but all of her 13 semester hours are virtual. Prior to the semester beginning, at least a few classes were going to be offered in-person, and we watched as slowly but surely, emails arrived from all of her professors notifying her of the change.
Before the semester began, my thoughts went immediately to the freshmen students who would be facing so many restrictions with regards to socializing. How would they ever get to know people with all of the campus being so guarded, and mask mandates? I never once thought about how challenging it would be emotionally on the upperclassmen. My daughter attends a large state University in which the majority of the students live off campus. She lives in a townhouse with a roommate within a few minutes of campus. She is a member of a sorority, but she is unable to go to the sorority house for meals, which she has enjoyed the last 2 years. Only members who live in the house are allowed to dine there. If she were to choose to drop by the house to study, or visit, she would have to comply with the campus mask policy, and wear a mask the entire time. I am not suggesting that masks should not be worn, but many of us can agree that socializing for any length of time is just not easy with masks. She says she just doesn’t want to expend the energy of driving to campus and parking and walking to the sorority house, just to sit around in a mask with other people.
She often spends her days in her bedroom on her computer listening to lectures and completing her assignments. I have encouraged her to get out of her apartment to take a walk, or exercise at the gym, which she has done, and that has helped. Her small group of friends who also live off campus, are making efforts to study together outdoors, and have meals together. Unfortunately, a few weeks ago, her campus had a spike in Covid cases, and some of her friends had to quarantine due to possible exposure, and she was forced back into a version of solitary confinement again as she waited for her friends (who tested negative) to end their quarantine.
My daughter was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 7. Depression goes hand in hand with anxiety, and as her mother, I am aware of the risk that she can fall into a depression quickly. I have the luxury of living near her, and we exercise at the same gym, and she comes home for meals some. This has allowed me to check on her and see her face, and I can tell when the depression is hitting her, just by looking at her. When she is tired all the time, and doesn’t take time on her appearance, I know that she is struggling. I see those signs now, and it concerns me. She regularly sees a therapist and has a psychiatrist to help manage her health, but living with anxiety and depression is a daily struggle for her, and as her mother it is also my struggle. I worry for the young adults who may be far from home in this pandemic, and who may not have the friends or family to look after them, or the resources for therapy and medical care. These are new struggles that none of us have ever dealt with before, and it is an emotional burden to deal with.
To all of the public health officials and University administrators, I sympathize with your very challenging roles as decision makers in a time when all of the choices seem to be “rock” or “Hard Place”. You have a responsibility to encourage healthy behaviors and protect the public from life threatening illness. However, you must balance that with the other risks that come from social isolation. Humans are meant to be in community with each other, and when that cannot happen, this creates other life threatening risks, such as major depression.
I write this because I know I am not the only mom who is struggling with these concerns in 2020. I do not claim to know the answers and I am not suggesting we be reckless with behaviors. I am suggesting that there is a bigger picture to Covid than physical ailments, and it is time for them to be included in the public health discussion.