Tag: parenting

Embracing Firefly Season

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As I write, this summer is in its early stages and parents everywhere are making plans for their children who are taking a much needed break from school. It has been a number of years since my daughters were young enough for me to have a need to focus on their summer plans, however I remember how stress-inducing it could be. Whether you are securing day camps, play-dates, or simple activities to keep them from being bored out of their minds, there will be a lot of mental energy expended.

Just this past week, I walked outside in the early twilight with my little dog, and I saw the twinkle of the first firefly of summer. It brought back such a sweet memory of one early summer evening, when both of my girls were still young enough to be in elementary school. We were thrilled to have a little more time to relax outside in the evening, and we made our first discovery of firefly season. I had known of fireflies and their magical luminescence as a child, but this particular evening was the first that I recall actually noticing fireflies as an adult. We had been playing outside and started to see their amber glow and the fun began as we chased after them to try to catch them. As with much in life, the chase was far more enjoyable than the actual catch. Those beautiful, tiny creatures begin fluttering by in the early evening hours of late May and they intermittently glow as if a blinking neon sign sent to remind us to take notice of the longer days. They seem to be holdovers from a simpler time when children spent their days outdoors until the streetlights came on, or the fireflies twinkled.

The transition into summer can be a bit bumpy as families figure out daily chores, bedtimes, sports activities, swim lessons, and in this era, how much is too much screen time. Looking back I know I spent too much time worrying over keeping my children from being bored in the summer. I had forgotten that often, boredom is the space where so many genius ideas and inventions are hatched.

Now, I have one daughter who is out of college, and her younger sister is beginning her final summer before “real world” post-college life, and all that comes with it. I look back at those summers of the past and realize how fleeting they are. Most of us will only be blessed with 18 summers with our children before they are expected to move on to whatever life has to offer. Time slips by much more quickly than we can ever imagine when they are toddlers.

So as you schedule all of the plans for your children this summer, make sure you plan for frozen popsicles, yard sprinklers, backyard campouts, grilled hot dogs, roasted marshmallows, and look for those mystical fireflies. My years of living have shown me that things that seem so simple, come with joyful and lingering memories of time spent savoring the specialness of summer. Thankfully, every summer has a Firefly season for us to seek the magic and marvel at the beauty around us. It beckons us to slow down and appreciate the little moments, which upon reflection, are often the most meaningful.

Dear Moms of High School Seniors, It’s Going to be OK…

I see your posts on social media, and I sense your excitement, mixed with anxiety and a bit of sadness (if we are being completely honest). I notice your photos of all the “lasts” and I celebrate your child’s accomplishments with you. I see you and I know you because I have been you, twice now.  I feel the almost palpable sinking feeling that hits in the pit of your stomach when you think about them moving on to the next stage.  How is it possible that they have grown from such a tiny, helpless little child into this physically mature person,  who the world says is technically (and suddenly) an adult? We have been there for the kindergarten drop-offs, the school musicals, the football games, the choir concerts, the debate team championships, and every bit of school-associated friend drama. We have checked their grades from our home computers, signed permission slips, turned in fines for lost library books, checked them out for orthodontist appointments, muddled through class schedule planning,  and in the last few years, we have been their teachers when they could not have in-person instruction. We packed lunches, drove carpools, waited by the bus stop, provided team snacks, and did anything that was possible to support our local teachers and PTA’s. In many ways, our child and their role in school has been the biggest influencer of our lives for the past 13 years, and whether we work outside the home or not, our lives and activities revolve around the school calendar and the many duties that align with it.  My youngest graduated in 2021 and I consider myself to be one of the more involved parents in our school district. I was fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom, and as such, had the flexibility to give of my time in this way. I would not change a thing about this, but I wondered what life would be like for me after my nest was empty and there were no more PTA meetings to help lead, or back-to-school events to attend.  At one point in my life, I was fearful of not having a purpose in this new phase of life, and it was anxiety provoking for me. For this reason, I want to write to you moms who may be feeling the same fears.

I want to reassure you that things are going to be OK; heck they might even be fabulous! Some Of you won’t believe me, but most of the things that I thought I would miss so much about my daughter’s school years, I don’t miss at all.  Don’t get me wrong…I enjoyed it in the seasons we were living within, but I must admit that it is nice to have evenings free to spend with my husband doing anything we feel like. The time that I used to spend giving to the school is now time that I can use to take up new hobbies or volunteer in other local community agencies. I don’t check my daughters’ grades or even know a single one of her professors.  She knows her professors though, and when one is particularly inspiring to her, she will share it with me. While it is sometimes odd to not know what she is doing on a daily basis,  I have become comfortable with the fact that she has her own life and friendships that I will never be involved in. Any sadness I feel about that is easily lifted when I realize that we raised her to be an independent adult who has her own life.  It’s freeing, to be completely honest.  Of course, we are there to offer advice about career planning and goals but she has an advisor who knows all of the ins and outs of her course requirements and we are not responsible for these choices anymore. That is really nice!

I remember feeling like my daughters’ senior years were a series of milestones to check off: Senior photos, college applications, scholarship essays, references, awards ceremonies (so glad to escape the pressure from those annual award ceremonies), prom, post-graduation parties. It’s a whole lot to plan and with social media, the need to get it all “picture perfect” can be overwhelming. I think it is truly difficult for our children to truly enjoy this time because there are so many milestones/deadlines in one year and there is so much cultural pressure to know where you are going and what you will be doing after high school. The summer after graduation was a bit stressful for my daughters as they planned their dorm decorating and felt fearful about the next steps. Moving away from home is not easy, but it has been so good for my daughters. I think we are all breathing a sigh of relief that my youngest is about to complete her freshman year in college. She loved it but it was scary at first. Now she is so comfortable there and when she goes back she has friends and knows that it is her second home.

So for these reasons, and many others, I want to tell you to tell you to enjoy the rest of their senior year. Get the photos with all of the friend groups, plan and attend parties, help your child plan their next steps as much as they want you to, and know that this truly isn’t the end. While it is the ending of some things, in many ways it is the beginning of a new and wonderful phase in which you, as a mom, can take a bit of a breath as you watch your adult child from the sidelines (and you don’t have to bring the orange slices). Don’t be afraid to close this chapter; The next act is theirs to orchestrate, and from my experience, you have a second act of your own to plan.

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