Tag: isolation

A Knock at the Window

On February 9, 2021

I made a new friend. This would seem to be an irrelevant event during normal times, but these days of living life in a pandemic hardly seem normal, at least not to the partial extravert residing inside of me.

I doubt anyone would guess where I made my new friend, Jackie. I met her in the grocery store parking lot. Yes, you read that correctly. I met a new friend after I went grocery shopping at my local store, like I have done for 15 years. The last 8 months, I have spent the time in the grocery store masked-up and hastily searching for the necessary items my family needs, all while trying not to get too close to anyone else. The days of standing in the local grocery store visiting with local friends whom I have randomly encountered seem like a distant memory to me. I find it very difficult to even make eye contact with another person while shopping, much less to strike up a conversation. Believe me, it is not for lack of trying on my part. I so long for human interaction, that I will try to speak to fellow shoppers, but I don’t see many who wish to reciprocate. I even say “excuse me” if I feel as if I am in someone’s way, hoping to hear a response, which usually doesn’t come. I find it sad, to be honest, and sometimes I wonder if this new anti-social dynamic is reversible.

How, you may be wondering, did I meet my new friend? I was sitting in my car, choosing a podcast to listen to on the way home, and I heard a tap on my window. It surprised and startled me a bit, but I saw an older lady at my window and I quickly rolled it down. She had seen the Baylor license plate holder on the back of my car, and wanted to ask if I had attended college at Baylor. I was happy to report that I had graduated from there many years ago, and she was happy to volunteer that her granddaughter had recently graduated from Baylor with a nursing degree. We chatted for several minutes. In that short time, I learned that my new friend had been married to a radiologist (just as I am) and he had died two years before with alzheimer’s and a cancer diagnosis that had only given him 2 weeks to remain on earth. She reflected that she was glad he had not suffered, and that he was a Christian when he died. She laughed that he had not been when he was younger, and we both agreed that we are all on a journey with different timings with regards to our faith and salvation. She had moved here to be near her daughter, who happens to be a University professor, and an atheist. She briefly touched on the struggle that she has with that latter-mentioned reality. We talked about church services and bible studies and she shared her favorite online pastor with me, and we exchanged phone numbers before parting ways.

I left feeling so encouraged, and frankly amazed at how quickly we spoke about very personal and significant topics. We texted each other and agreed to stay in touch. The next day, she texted me and wanted to meet at the parking lot again so she could share a book with me that she believed I would enjoy. I gratefully accepted her generosity and borrowed a few books from her. I look forward to meeting up with her again soon to return the books and plan to have a little something to share with her as a way to thank her.

My new friend is 80 years old, and I am in my 50’s. She was married to a radiologist and raised two children, just as I have done. We share a faith in Jesus Christ and a passion for learning about scripture. She used to be a brunette (as am I) until a few years ago, and has offered tips on how to transition to gray when I am ready. For years, one of my missions has been to encourage women who are younger than I am, as they are navigating motherhood. The bible verses in Titus 2:3-5 advises older women to teach younger women about living life in Godly ways. I have had the great honor to lead a bible study with younger moms, and I’ve been privileged to have a mother who is an excellent example of a Godly woman. Now, I believe God has placed Jackie in my life so that I have a local, older friend who wants to encourage me in my path. We can encourage each other in these very strange times.

I don’t know how Jackie had the courage to knock on a stranger’s window in the parking lot that day; I am just so glad she did. In a time when we are so isolated and homebound, it is such a sweet reminder that there are still people out there who want to be in community with others. We are not meant to live in isolation. So the next time you consider stepping out in courage to make a new friend, I hope you will take the chance. Knock on the window…you just might make a beautiful new friend.

Covid College Blues

By Kathy Wetsell

On September 19, 2020

In Motherhood Musings, My Two Cents

It’s September of 2020, and we are in the “who knows what” phase of a pandemic. My daughter is in her last year of college, and It’s so much harder than we ever thought it would be. Her campus is supposedly a hybrid of virtual and in-person instruction, but all of her 13 semester hours are virtual. Prior to the semester beginning, at least a few classes were going to be offered in-person, and we watched as slowly but surely, emails arrived from all of her professors notifying her of the change.

Before the semester began, my thoughts went immediately to the freshmen students who would be facing so many restrictions with regards to socializing. How would they ever get to know people with all of the campus being so guarded, and mask mandates? I never once thought about how challenging it would be emotionally on the upperclassmen. My daughter attends a large state University in which the majority of the students live off campus. She lives in a townhouse with a roommate within a few minutes of campus. She is a member of a sorority, but she is unable to go to the sorority house for meals, which she has enjoyed the last 2 years. Only members who live in the house are allowed to dine there. If she were to choose to drop by the house to study, or visit, she would have to comply with the campus mask policy, and wear a mask the entire time. I am not suggesting that masks should not be worn, but many of us can agree that socializing for any length of time is just not easy with masks. She says she just doesn’t want to expend the energy of driving to campus and parking and walking to the sorority house, just to sit around in a mask with other people.

She often spends her days in her bedroom on her computer listening to lectures and completing her assignments. I have encouraged her to get out of her apartment to take a walk, or exercise at the gym, which she has done, and that has helped. Her small group of friends who also live off campus, are making efforts to study together outdoors, and have meals together. Unfortunately, a few weeks ago, her campus had a spike in Covid cases, and some of her friends had to quarantine due to possible exposure, and she was forced back into a version of solitary confinement again as she waited for her friends (who tested negative) to end their quarantine.

My daughter was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 7. Depression goes hand in hand with anxiety, and as her mother, I am aware of the risk that she can fall into a depression quickly. I have the luxury of living near her, and we exercise at the same gym, and she comes home for meals some. This has allowed me to check on her and see her face, and I can tell when the depression is hitting her, just by looking at her. When she is tired all the time, and doesn’t take time on her appearance, I know that she is struggling. I see those signs now, and it concerns me. She regularly sees a therapist and has a psychiatrist to help manage her health, but living with anxiety and depression is a daily struggle for her, and as her mother it is also my struggle. I worry for the young adults who may be far from home in this pandemic, and who may not have the friends or family to look after them, or the resources for therapy and medical care. These are new struggles that none of us have ever dealt with before, and it is an emotional burden to deal with.

To all of the public health officials and University administrators, I sympathize with your very challenging roles as decision makers in a time when all of the choices seem to be “rock” or “Hard Place”. You have a responsibility to encourage healthy behaviors and protect the public from life threatening illness. However, you must balance that with the other risks that come from social isolation. Humans are meant to be in community with each other, and when that cannot happen, this creates other life threatening risks, such as major depression.

I write this because I know I am not the only mom who is struggling with these concerns in 2020. I do not claim to know the answers and I am not suggesting we be reckless with behaviors. I am suggesting that there is a bigger picture to Covid than physical ailments, and it is time for them to be included in the public health discussion.