Author: Kathy Wetsell

Kathy Wetsell enjoys spending time with family, friends and pets. She has raised two daughters and likes to write about her observations and encourage other women at the same time. She believes there isn't much that can't be cured with a prayer, a nap, laughter, a hot cup of Earl Gray tea, a good friend/book/music/podcast and a dog by your side.

In Sickness and In Health

By Kathy Wetsell

On March 13, 2020

In My Two Cents

Most suburban Americans have become quite accustomed to the ease of daily life. When we get hungry, we go to our well-stocked pantries and refrigerators, or we order some take-out and have a food delivery service bring it directly to our door. When we get bored, we turn to our streaming service of choice for on demand access to entertainment of any variety. When we get lonely, we can text our friends or we go to social media for human interactions of all types. We are used to instant gratification of almost all of our needs.

This type of lifestyle makes it very difficult for us, as a culture, to emotionally adapt to something that we have very little control of, such as the Covid-19 virus which, according to all media reports, is crippling our entire world. As a free society, we are not pleased when we hear we must stay inside and stop doing all the things we are used to doing. It naturally causes anxiety, which we all react to in multiple ways. Some of us act like nothing is wrong and choose not to acknowledge the gravity of the situation (this would be me), while others seek to control the only things we are capable of controlling, like the quantity of toilet paper and Clorox wipes we have in our stockpile. Whichever camp you land in, try to remember that we are all handling the shock of this new landscape in the only ways we are prepared to do so.

My college-aged daughter called me yesterday with a lilt of anxious laughter in her voice as she told me that her college is cancelling all “in-person” instruction effective immediately. She told me of how her friends who are due to graduate in May, are reeling over the fact that they are currently sitting in their last college classes. While this may have been a fact worth celebrating in May, which is the natural progression of a school term, it can come as a big disappointment when it happens in mid-March without much warning. My daughter is feeling sadness because this situation will most likely cause social isolation, which is difficult for her personality to deal with. She enjoys the act of attending classes, and the social events she participates in weekly. All of this is coming to an abrupt halt, and it is understandable that it will be unsettling and it is OK to mourn the loss of normalcy.

Along the same lines, my high school-aged daughter is awaiting her classes to become “online only”, and fears this will inhibit her education for the last quarter of her Junior year, and fears that she won’t be able to attend prom. For a jaded adult like myself, it is easy to minimize the feelings she has over a trivial thing like prom, but in my heart I know it is valid for her to feel what she feels about it. She bought the dress, and she wants to take photographs with her friends and dance with her boyfriend, and make the memories she has anticipated for the last 2 years. Again, it is OK to mourn this loss.

On the other hand, perhaps it is important for all of us to learn that some of the things we worry about are trivial in the spectrum of basic life and health. Although it saddens me for my daughters to have to experience these disappointments, I also hope it will broaden their perspectives about what is happening around them. It’s not always about us, nor was it ever meant to be.

I am reminded about cohort effects, which I studied in undergraduate psychology classes many years ago. The influence that a person’s date and place of birth has on social research is known as the cohort effect, which refers to the similarities in experiences and social influences across a particular age group. In this case, I believe we are dealing with a global (rather than generational) cohort effect. Everyone who will be able to remember living through this time period with such unusual restrictions on our freedoms, and concerns about our health, will remember this time, and it will affect how we view the world and potentially change our habits for the rest of our lifetimes.

As we begin “social distancing”, we will not be attending all of the things we Americans have become accustomed to filling our time with. We won’t be at the ball games, and the concerts, and the dance recitals. Children may not have the athletic practices and music lessons that keep parents shuffling around like a taxi service on a daily basis. We may find that we have time to sit at the dinner table together, and have time to play outdoors in the back yard. Perhaps we will enjoy the company of our neighbors again (maintaining the proper personal space distances of course). Some of this is reminiscent of growing up in the 1970’s, when we did not have nearly as many activities to make our parents lose their sanity, and we had to find ways to entertain ourselves.

There are many people who are going to be negatively impacted by the Covid-19 virus, and I do not want to understate this. Besides the obvious health and mortality issues, we are dealing with economic impacts and emotional tolls which cannot easily be measured. It is tempting to self-quarantine and forget about those in our community with needs. I am having to remind myself that this event will cause many needs to arise with neighbors in my community, and while things may be “peachy” at my home with plenty of food, toilet paper, Clorox and Netflix, there are others who are accustomed to being fed by the public school system, and without school being in session, may not have enough to eat. Some people will be ill, and will need groceries and food to be delivered. I believe this is the time for ALL of us to look outside ourselves, and the 4 walls we may be confining ourselves to, and look for ways to help others. Check on your neighbors, look for community donation pleas, give to charities like The Salvation Army, who give to the less fortunate every day of the year.

I’ve heard some people say that we have become too soft as a society, and that we need something to “reset” us, and help us appreciate the freedom and luxuries many of us are blessed with. September 11 accomplished that for a short time. Sadly, this just may be the “reset” we require, and I hope we are all ready and willing to come together as a country and help each other move forward, “in sickness and in health”.

School Dances in the 80’s versus the 2000’s – A Gen X homage to “Stairway to Heaven”

By Kathy Wetsell

On February 4, 2020

In Motherhood Musings

There are many differences between the world of junior high/high school dating of the 80’s versus the 21st century. Some good, and some not so good, in this Gen X mom’s opinion. Let’s look at school dances: When I was in junior high school, my friends and I could hardly wait for the few school dances planned each year, even though I was awkward and had no idea how to relate to boys. I was a late bloomer and sheltered, compared to many of my cohorts, but I always hoped that would be the evening when my dreamy crush would finally notice me from across the gymnasium and realize I was the girl of his junior high dreams and he would ask me to dance (Cue the soundtrack to “Sixteen Candles”). This fantasy always ended with the boy becoming enchanted by my late-blooming, slightly dorky self, and then he would ask me to “go with him”, which was 1983 vernacular for dating. Every school dance ended the same way back in those days….with the classic Led Zeppelin musical masterpiece entitled “Stairway to Heaven”.

It was the perfect “last dance” song. At 8:01 minutes in length, it allowed you to be close to your dance partner for an extended time before saying goodnight, and it was the perfect blend of slow enough to “slow dance”, but Rock enough to be cool. While most school dances consisted of me hanging with my girls and whispering about the boys, I remember one in which a boy who I really liked finally asked me to dance during “Stairway to Heaven”. Fantasy and Reality had finally collided, and I did not know what to do! My stomach felt butterflies. I could barely breathe as we stood in the dance floor in typical 80’s slow dance posture. Soon after, he asked me to “go with him”, which I enthusiastically accepted, but quickly responded with “please don’t call me at home”! I was mortified about my loving, but strict parents finding out I had a boyfriend. This relationship with my “first boyfriend” only lasted a few weeks. I was just not mature enough to handle the pressure of someone else needing something from me. I have never forgotten that young man, however. The thrill of those firsts never goes away.

Flash forward to school dances in the 2000’s: Although I have personally never attended a school dance in the 21st century, I have two daughters who have, and from what they tell me, dances are a whole new world. In the 80’s we would have at least a few slow dances to choose from (“Open Arms by Journey, and the aforementioned “Stairway to Heaven”), interspersed with some Van Halen, Clash, Duran Duran and an old classic like “Louie,Louie”. I am told it is very rare to have a slow dance in today’s world of school dances. My girls tell me that most of the music played at your average public high school dances is Rap/Hip Hop, and the style of dancing would be your basic “grinding” or, as a reference for my other 80’s ladies, “Dirty Dancing” (someone please tell me I’m not the only one who watched that at the movie theatre more than once in 1987). Apparently it is quite common and widely accepted for girls to arrive without dates, and for boys to come up behind them and begin “grinding”. If a girl allows it, then it’s all good, but if she isn’t interested, she can say as much and walk away. From what I hear, the days of a boy coming up to a girl and asking her to dance are over. Instead, they seem to sidle up behind the girl of their choice and let the grinding make the introductions.

I know I am an old-fashioned romantic, but the thought of this interaction makes me a little sad. Yes, it’s just a school dance, but the human behavior geek in me believes it is a sign of the times we live in. Culturally we have moved away from interpersonal communications of all types. Let’s take land lines for an example. I remember the days of calling a friend and speaking with their mom or dad when they answered the phone. I would actually have to have a polite conversation with them before I asked to speak to their daughter or son. Fast forward to 2020 and my daughters express anxiety every time they have to pick up the phone and actually speak to someone. I make them do it, but they hate me for it. If we choose, we rarely have to even talk to anyone anymore. Sometimes even I consider this a positive change;I love to solve customer service issues via online chat rather than wait on eternal hold. However, communicating with cell phones and texting has morphed into apps like Snapchat that only require you to snap a photo of half your face and type a sentence or two. This is currently how young people begin the dance of dating. The irony is that when the younger generations do begin dating, they say they are “talking to someone”. But from what I can see, there isn’t much actual talking going on. We don’t even have talk to people at the grocery check out line anymore, as we can now scan our own groceries, that we have selected while we shop with our ear phones in place, further isolating ourselves from the world around us. I can’t help but wonder how this is affecting our interpersonal skills. What will this look like? How will couples of the future relate to each other? Will they even know how?

So it brings me back to the “slow dance”. What was once a face-to-face interaction, which was both frightening and thrilling at the same time, has been replaced with a type of dancing which simulates intimacy but requires none. I can’t help but wonder if many of our interactions of this day and age are doing the same…simulating intimacy but requiring none.

As for me, I am doing my part to teach my high schooler. My husband and I drove her and a girlfriend to a dance last Spring, and played “Stairway to Heaven” for them during the car ride over. I reminisced about middle school dances, and they became bored about half way through the 8 minute song, but at least I tried. On a brighter note, I hear that swing dancing is making a come-back on college campuses…maybe there is hope after all.

Seeking God’s Glory During the Holiday Craziness

By Kathy Wetsell

On December 19, 2019

In Motherhood Musings

Luke 2:9 …and the glory of the Lord shone all around them .

I saw this verse on a Christmas card that I was sending to a loved one. Like so many activities done in haste during the holiday season, I barely even noticed the scripture until I was inserting the note into its envelope. I read the scripture realizing how familiar it sounded, yet this version was set apart to me. It sounded familiar, yet distinct, because it is usually a verse spoken in a larger context, when the Christmas story is being read. The words prior to this verse describe the angel of the Lord appearing to the shepherds to tell of Jesus’s birth.

While I think most of us can imagine that the glory of the Lord must have been shining as bright as ever possible on the night of Jesus’s birth, I know I personally struggle to view the glory of the Lord shining all around me on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong…I know God’s glory is all around us all the time, but I have a vision problem that hinders my ability to see it. Not the kind of vision problem that requires an optical prescription (although magnification readers are one of my favorite things these days), but the vision problem that comes from viewing the world with jaded, skeptical, earthly eyes.

I, like so many other women at this time of year, am wrapped up in how hectic my life seems to be. There was barely any time between Thanksgiving and December this year, and it seemed like I was behind before it ever started. There’s all the shopping, decorating, travel-planning, gift-wrapping, school activities, and social obligations that a season like this brings. There are the expectations of family members that must be considered, because as a mother, I don’t want to feel that I have dropped a single ball that would cause someone in my home to feel like Christmas was missing something that they deem essential.

As I type these words, it hits me so hard….the only thing we should deem essential in this Christmas season is remembering and celebrating the arrival of our sweet baby savior, Jesus Christ. For years, I have tried to make this the center of our season, believe me, but I have fallen short. We live in a consumer culture and we see the constant reminders in the media of what a perfect Christmas must surely look like; the trendiest decorations that probably don’t match anything I currently own, the latest recipe that is somehow plant-based, yet delicious and beautifully photographed for Instagram. Don’t even get me started on the Pinterest boards!

It’s enough to make us all very stressed out and not very full of Christmas cheer.

So I go back to the verse “and the glory of the Lord shone all around them”. Where does His glory shine? According to scripture, it shines all around us. I stop to think about what this means in a practical way to me.

His Glory shines when I see my precious family spend time together watching movies and playing games and just laughing together.

His Glory shines when I see the work of charitable organizations taking care of the “least of these”.

His Glory shines when my friends get together to work at the Angel Tree warehouse giving their time to help needy children have Christmas gifts, and pray over their gifts that those children might know the love of Christ.

His Glory shines when you are fortunate enough to spend time sharing a meal with friends during a busy time and you pause to exchange gifts and recognize the importance of those friends in your lives.

His Glory shines when you see the wreaths placed at the veterans’ headstones, allowing those who served, and those left behind, to know that we do not take our freedom, or those who protect it, for granted.

His Glory shines even when the holiday season feels heavy, as you remember those who you have loved and lost. Hope in Jesus allows peace and comfort in the darkness of those very raw emotions. He has promised that we are never alone, and in that we can see His glory. We see his Glory when, in the midst of suffering, our community surrounds us with meal trains and “go fund me” pages, and in some small practical ways, becomes the hands and feet of Christ.

The Glory of the Lord shines around me.

I needed this verse today. It reminded me to pray for God to heal my “vision problem”. I see His glory all around me, if I choose to look with the lense of gratitude. Where do you see His glory shine? I would love to know!

Moms: The Ultimate Women of Influence

By Kathy Wetsell

On March 8, 2019

In Motherhood Musings, My Two Cents

International Women’s Day is celebrated on March 8. According to its website, the goal of the day is to focus on the achievement of women, raise awareness against bias, and to take action for equality. As International Women’s Day approaches, I find myself thinking about all the women who have been present during my life’s journey, and whose achievements enhanced my formation. There is no way to begin to list the name of every woman who invested in my life and helped form me into the woman I am today. First and foremost would be my mom, whose birthday happens to fall on International Women’s Day. My mom is one of the most nurturing, kind women that you could ever hope to meet. She is a wonderful homemaker and entertainer, and she has the ability to make everyone who enters her home feel welcomed and well-fed. She worked part-time while we were in school, but prioritized being home when my brother and I came home from school. She was waiting for us when we arrived home with a hug and a smile, and many times she had freshly baked treats waiting for us. No matter what kind of day we had experienced outside the haven of our home, we were assured that we were loved and valued within its four walls. She is the biggest reason that I chose to be a full-time stay-at-home mom when my own children were born. She has been my living guidebook for how to be a good mom. Her talents in the kitchen and her skills at food presentation are unmatched. In fact, many people tell her they would pay her to make their favorite appetizers for them to serve at parties, but she always tells them that if it became a job, she would not enjoy it anymore. She cooks for simple enjoyment and to share her gifts with others who can use a prepared meal, and never expects anything in return. She gives her time to her church and charities, and visits nursing home residents on a weekly basis. Her achievements in life have not been the kind that the world tends to celebrate, but they were the kind that raised two children into adults who seek to actively care for and nurture the people around them.

Three generations of strong women

Can we spend a moment discussing teachers? As a young child, the women you spend most of your day with are typically your teachers. There were so many female teachers in my elementary and middle school years, and I can still remember most of them. A few do stand out more than others for their kind words and patience displayed with all of us. I was drawn to the sweet ones who had a gentle nature, but it was later in life that I came to appreciate the ones who had a little less patience for mediocrity. They were the ones who had a keen intellect and recognized it in others and would not accept less from us than they knew we were capable of offering. They were the first to push me, and in turn it gave me a sense of confidence in my abilities. This confidence was a building block which I used to venture into the world. Again, these achievements are not always noticed or appreciated by our society which tends to value titles, material wealth and power.

Some lessons I learned from women were not scholastic in nature, but were no less significant. I had a mentor who helped me learn about a toxic friendship that, at the age of 16, I did not understand was toxic at the time…that was a very important lesson that I would benefit from for the rest of my life. I had a female boss who truly disliked me and made my workplace so uncomfortable that I chose to quit. I realized life is too short and not everyone is going to like you…also a good lesson. I worked for a woman who routinely threw paperclips and rubber balls at the glass partition, which sat between my desk and her office, in order to get my attention. I had to keep that job for financial reasons, but learned about treating others with respect, and learned how it feels when respect is absent. On a humorous note, I actually poured a glass of champagne in the car when my husband and I moved from the city where I held that position. On the flip side, I had a different female boss who taught me about the financial services industry, gave me grace when I made mistakes, and pushed me to become a licensed stock broker, which I accomplished. She celebrated my successes, and rewarded them financially and to this day, 25 years later, we are still friends.

I have also been shaped by my Godmothers, grandmothers, cousins, aunts, mother-in-law and sisters-in-law, nieces, daughters, as well as lots of friends. The numbers of women who influence us in life are innumerable. The value of an outward-focused, honest woman who genuinely cares for your well-being is immeasurable.

International Women’s Day can mean different things to different people. Obviously, there is much progress to be made internationally in the realm of women’s rights and dignity, and equal pay for equal work. I do not wish to discount the importance of those issues. I simply wish to highlight the potential importance and achievements of all women in our world, regardless of education level, social status, or professional experience. We should acknowledge and be thankful for those women who devote their lives to mothering, teaching, nurturing and bolstering the next generation. We must appreciate the women who give their time to work in the church nursery, teach Sunday School, serve meals at the soup kitchen, volunteer behind the scenes at schools, and help mentor children in after school programs. I have two daughters, and I want them to strive to be the very best they can be. I want them to reach for the stars and hope for them to have careers they are passionate about and excel in. I am more concerned, however, about their community mindedness and want them to realize that they can make a difference in the world by making a difference in their little corner of it. In addition, if they choose to devote a portion of their lives to raising children and making a home, I want their choices to be respected, and acknowledged as valid and essential, just as we celebrate women who are CEO’s and politicians, and who hold other positions of power. Most likely, they would not be in the positions they hold without a strong woman behind them cheering them from the stands. On International Women’s Day, let us celebrate women of influence, and may we recognize that there are MANY types of influence worth celebrating!

Anxiety Does Not Mean We Cannot Do Hard Things: The Time my Anxious Daughter Studied Abroad

By Kathy Wetsell

On January 3, 2019

In Motherhood Musings

As I write this, my first-born is 5,633 miles away in Taormina, Sicily. This is the farthest she has ever been away from home. Granted, she will turn 20 three weeks from today. But, this is my kid who worries, she is my perfectionist, my empath. So the fact that she is over 5,000 miles from home should freak me out. In all honesty, the thought of it did freak me out for months leading up to this trip. I worried about how she would manage being in a foreign country so far away from all of her familiar places and people. I knew how important it was to her to be able to travel the world without allowing anxiety to hold her back.

So, this is where the “fabulous” part of my post begins. As soon as she got to her destination, I started hearing from her less and less. Not that I don’t want to hear from her, because I absolutely do; but all moms know that there are times in life when no news is good news. When I have heard from her, it’s to tell me about some cool experience she has had, or to send me photos from her outings. She is at a fabulous, ancient amphitheater today making a presentation for her Honors credit, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea.

This was my child who got overwhelmed at her pre-school holiday parties. They were just too loud and stimulating for her tender, sensitive nerves. But now at almost 20, Praise God (because it is He who deserves all the glory), she is out seeing the world, and becoming the woman God wants her to become. I want her to know, it’s a lifelong process, and at almost 50, I am still transforming and growing into the woman I am intended to be.

So, for all of you moms of children who seem more sensitive or anxious than most, please know that there will be days ahead when your little one will have the coping skills they need to do the unthinkable. All that is required of you is to acknowledge the way God created them, give them all the tools they require (this does not mean doing everything for them or making them comfortable at all times – that topic will have to be elucidated in another blog post), and pray for God to work in their lives and in yours, as their parent.

Today when I see these photos on my phone (yes, I am the “find your i-phone” mom), I will not allow myself to be “freaked out”, but instead will rejoice in the “fabulous” of today. I cannot wait to watch as God uses these experiences in my daughter’s life to glorify Him.

Why I Wish Life Could Be More Like A Concert

By Kathy Wetsell

On October 20, 2018

In My Two Cents

Here I sit in the Fall of 2018, nearing a mid-term election. A Supreme Court nomination process is underway that has been graphic and nauseating to watch, no matter who you support.Tempers are flaring, there is animosity no matter which political party you align yourself with. Facebook is filled with angry, emotional posts trying to persuade others to a new understanding which will in turn influence a vote, or at the very least, an opinion.

I will be honest, I don’t discuss politics with anyone unless it’s family or my very closest friends. I have a strict “no politics on Facebook” rule for myself. I much prefer the photos of my friends’ children and pets. I love a good viral video that depicts average every day people doing for others and taking care of people in their community. Give me a “feel-good” love story any day. But…politics on social media? Not a good idea, in my humble opinion.

I want to go back to the days when you did not know what political party your friends, mentors and teachers aligned with. You really did not care, to be honest. I grew up in a time when it was taboo to even discuss who you voted for. My parents would not even tell me who they voted for because they believed it was a sacred right, and one that was meant to be exercised with individual research and with respectful privacy. It pains me that my own daughters have never been alive during a time in which there was not ugly, visceral, division between liberals and conservatives. Everyone has to have a label: Republican, Democrat, Conservative, Liberal, Right Wing, Progressive, and so on.

How I wish the labels could be more like this: free-thinker, independent-minded, patriotic, advocate for the down-trodden, lover of fellow-men. I think we have lost sight of the fact that we are all human. Regardless of differing opinions, we all feel pain.

I’ve had the good fortune of attending several live concerts in the past year. I have noticed that every time I attend one of these events I leave feeling happy. I sit amongst thousands of strangers for a few hours and I don’t hate any of them. In fact, I might even feel warmth towards these strangers, and if I’m really fortunate, I leave having made a new friend. In my opinion, music, and the arts in general, are unifying. They weave common, universal life experiences and emotions together to form a song, a play, a piece of art. It’s these common life experiences that expose the humanity that we all share as citizens of the planet. Music has the ability to transcend time and take you back to the day you first heard it. For example, when I listen to U2 Joshua Tree, I immediately go back to my senior year in high school because that was the soundtrack that played in the background of my life that year. It was the first concert I attended without my parents. It takes me back to the days when my only concerns were what I was going to do on the weekend, and how to keep my bangs trained to spike up just right. Concerts bring together people from all walks of life, all income levels, and all generations. For those few hours you get to escape reality and get caught up in music and emotions and it transcends all of our differences. It makes me wish life could be more like a concert.

I’m not foolish enough to think this is possible. I understand that daily life is filled with problems, and issues in our personal and professional lives. I understand the complexity of life and social issues, and I am not idealistic enough to believe we can ever go back to a time when we care more about people’s character and inner spirits than their political leanings. I just wish we could try a little harder with each other. I wish we could put down our phones, look around us, acknowledge and engage with people and seek little ways to help those in need. I believe this would feel as good to us as when we used to lift the lighters in the concert, swaying to the music and taking in that big room of other people who were doing and feeling the very same emotions. I believe we all have more commonalities as people than we have differences, but I think we are going to have to look a little deeper to see them. Perhaps we need to listen more and the let the music, that is life, play without us trying to add so much background noise, lest we be forced to put in the earplugs and risk not being able to hear the music at all.

Instagram vs Reality: The College Drop-Off

By Kathy Wetsell

On October 7, 2018

In Motherhood Musings

This is the photo we posted on social media on the day we moved our daughter into her dorm to begin her freshman year at college. Everything is stylish and new, and it looks like she has it all together.

Last year, my oldest daughter started college, and although it was a very exciting time for all of us, it was filled with stress and anxiety as well. In my opinion, most of us are guilty of sharing only the “highlight reels” of our lives with others. We want people to see the best versions of us, and it can leave others feeling “less than” and diminished if there experiences are not the same as what they see in the photos they scroll through. I wrote about the reality of our college experience and the article was published here at Grown and Flown.com https://grownandflown.com/before-after-college-drop-off-photos/. This was my first published piece of writing. After giving their site 6 exclusive months, I am finally able to post it here. I hope it encourages others who will go through the same feelings.

This is the photo taken as we said goodbye. It was a more accurate representation of how we felt that day…but not one we would have chosen to share on Instagram.

A Tale of Two Photos

I find myself looking at a photo. It’s not just any ordinary, everyday photo…it’s the photo my husband took of me as I hugged my daughter the moment we were about to leave her at her dorm to begin her freshman year of college. I had NO IDEA he had taken the photo. I mean, this was not a planned photo opp. I would have never allowed this very personal moment to be staged and archived for all eternity (or for at least as long as digital photos will last). Looking at it now, though, I am very grateful for this photograph that captured such an emotional moment in time. I am happy that I was unaware of the photo until very recently, however. It would have been too painful to look at. There were other photos, too. There was the one of her and her younger sister smiling atop her lofted bunk bed depicting a Pinterest worthy decorated space, complete with Pottery Barn Teen comforter and “artsy” wall decor. This was the one we posted on social media for the world to see. The “Insta-worthy” photo showed that we had it all together, we were ready for this “college thing”, and we had the stylish dorm to prove it. We would have never posted the one my husband took. It was too real, too raw for us to show how we really felt.

You see, my first-born is an empath, a “feeler”. She has been ever since she was born. It’s a wonderful trait because it makes her passionate and empathetic. She is a musician and loves theatre and filmmaking. Being a “feeler” makes her better at all of those things she enjoys so passionately. On the flip side, It can also be a curse, because she feels EVERYTHING more strongly than most. New situations were often a struggle for her as a young child, and I was concerned about how this college transition would affect her.

Those first few weeks were not easy. She went through Sorority recruitment, and had a negative experience and decided it wasn’t for her, so she dropped out after 3 days. That made the first weekend in the dorm pretty rough for her. Watching all of the other girls receive bids was very painful, even though she had chosen her own course. Fortunately for her, she lived close enough to home to be able to come back for the weekend so she would not have to be in the heart of all the sorority festivities. That situation would eventually be resolved in her favor, as she received a bid from a sorority after Recruitment ended from a group she absolutely loves. It was a bit of a non-traditional sorority recruitment, which was fitting for my free-thinking daughter.

There were days where things went really well, and days where she would be so stressed out that she would call on the verge of tears. There was that one night when she actually called at midnight in a full-out cry from the steps outside her dorm (I cannot remember why she was upset now), but some stranger (or two) had walked by and offered her encouragement and tried to impart to her that she was not alone. This night stands out to my husband and myself as one of the worst we have had. Having your child distraught and not being able to do anything about it is one of the most gut-wrenching feelings that ever existed. Those moments are when you have to trust that God is using those experiences to grow your chid’s faith. I will forever be thankful to those strangers, whom I believe God placed in her path. But note…we don’t remember now why she was so upset. Feelings are fleeting, and It’s important to try to keep things in perspective.

Time has passed, rather quickly I might add, and she has completed her first year of college. She has a 4.0 GPA, sings in the Schola Cantorum at her University, is involved in her sorority, and sings with the worship team for our church’s campus ministry. She survived a break-up of a 14 month high school relationship with a few normal emotional scars to show for it. She moved back home for the summer, and brought all of that Pinterest worthy dorm gear with her. Funny how it doesn’t look as “Instaworthy” all strewn out over the floor of our spare bedroom. She just got her first part-time job, and in August will be moving into an apartment with 2 great young women whom she met this year. She is well on her way to “adulting”. Her Dad and I could not be prouder of her.

We recently helped her move her things out of the dorm, which, by the way, is much less stressful than moving them in! I made sure my husband took a photo of my daughter and me in the empty dorm room. The emotions on our faces are so different than they were on the day we left her. She has been through so much this year; Some wonderful experiences, and some pretty awful ones. Because we are so close, I feel as I have been through it with her. With any kind of growth, I believe we must experience some pain. Which brings me back to that first picture. My husband was surprised when I asked him to “share” his photo with me. He wondered why I would want to look at it again and put myself in the position to remember those feelings. But, for me, being able to compare the “before and after” photos was very healing. I believe that photo shows the fear of the unknown and the loss of childhood that comes with leaving home. It’s as if she were a caterpillar about to create her cocoon (maybe myself as well). Now that freshman year is over, I believe she has begun to shed her cocoon.

My hope is that by sharing this story, it will help others whose transition isn’t all “Instagram” perfect. If your kid is one of those who can leave home with a smile and never look back, then I say “hooray…be happy for them. But if you have one of those “feelers” you may have a few sad looking photos to look back on as they are about to enter their cocoon. But take heart,have faith, and pray harder than you ever have and chances are you willI see beautiful butterfly wings emerging just like we do.

Funeral for a Friend

By Kathy Wetsell

On September 20, 2018

In My Two Cents

This week I attended the funeral for a friend. She was taken at 58, which is way too soon in my opinion. She was the guidance counselor at my daughters’ elementary school and had recently retired after decades of service to others. She was particularly helpful to me when my oldest daughter was in 3rd grade and the “mean girls” began to surface. She had such a wise perspective and knowledge about adolescent development. She was able to assure me that all we were experiencing was completely normal, and although unpleasant, it would not last forever. She correctly estimated that the behavior would taper off almost completely by 10th grade as the young women began to truly find their real friends. She peaked a curiosity in myself that inspired me to learn all I could about adolescents and then share that with others who inevitably went through the same things we experienced,

As I sat in the church activities center, I looked around the capacious space which had been filled with as many folding chairs as could possibly fit, and in each chair sat a person who had somehow been affected by Kim’s life, and subsequently her loss. There were hundreds in attendance and I’m sure hundreds more who wish they could have attended. Her husband spoke eloquently about how his life had been blessed beyond measure for having had her by his side for over 40 years. He spoke of how during the last days of her life she was still smiling and encouraging the very nurses who were caring for her (some of whom had known her when they had been in elementary school). The countless stories of how she had impacted strangers began to be conveyed.

It has been years since my daughters went to elementary school and I had the pleasure of seeing Kim on a regular basis. The last time I saw Kim, we were seated by each other at the nail salon. We talked and laughed during our manicures, and she told me about recently becoming a grandmother, and how much she was enjoying that phase of life. In true Kim fashion, the conversation became focused on me and my life, and how my daughters were doing. I left smiling and feeling encouraged and happy to speak to her again after so many years. To be honest, I did not know her well, yet I felt like I did. I felt as if she thought I was special. Our short interactions impacted me enough to compel me to attend her celebration of life. My take-away message is that we all have to hope and strive to impact others the way she did. Her husband adored her, her children considered her to be their best friends, her siblings respected her and enjoyed being with her. She was treasured by her co-workers. Those of us who only knew her from our short interactions, knew her to be a woman who listened, cared, and made you feel valued. She spent her life serving others; putting others before herself.

I mentioned earlier that she was taken too soon in my humble, human opinion. But my friend and I serve and love a God who has eternity as His timeline, and He knows why it was time to call her home, even though all of us who loved her wish we could have had just a little more time. As I left her funeral, although I was saddened and had certainly shed tears, I actually felt uplifted and inspired. I have never felt that way after attending such a service. But even in death, my friend is encouraging and inspiring others. I left with renewed resolve to strive to touch and love on as many people as possible in the days I have left on this earth. I want to encourage others and make them feel valued. I want to cheer for the underdog, just as my friend would have done. At the end of my life when God calls me home, I want those who attend my funeral to feel inspired to live the best version of their lives and spread as much love as possible to the broken world around them. If we all strive for this lofty goal, our world will definitely be a better place to spend our earthly lives. My friend is now beginning her eternity in heaven, and I feel confident she can rest knowing that she fulfilled God’s calling for her life. Here’s to a life well-lived…thank you,my friend, for your example.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=XtwIT8JjddM%3Frel%3D0%2520frameborder%3D0%2520allow%3Dautoplay%3B%2520encrypted-media%2520allowfullscreen